I like to think it a success when the cops are called
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
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