I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize
