My pussy is not your playground.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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