i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
We left an ass print on the piano.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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