dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
