I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
