We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I think I sprained my soul last night
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
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