she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Last time i carry you out of a forest
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Randomize
