4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
