Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
