I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
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