I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
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