You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
