i would punch a child for taco bell
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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