I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
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