I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
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