Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Randomize
