My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
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