I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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