Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
