you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
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