I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
