Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
