We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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