dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
