after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Randomize
