Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
