I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
