Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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