i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
