looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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