I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
