i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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