I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
