i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
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