There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
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