At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
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He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
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