Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
How does it feel to date your dad?
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
