I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
