i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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