so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Randomize
