Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
