she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
