He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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