3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
