You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
