Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
