That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
