I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Randomize
