So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Dicks are not precious.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Randomize
