hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Randomize
